Stop Me Before I Sin Again
Dear Bitter Single Guy: Okay so I have a history of cheating. I’m still pretty young but I really need to stop this before I get into a serious relationship, you know? I mean cheating is NOT a good trait to carry. Can you help me out? — Can’t Help Myself
Dear CHM: Bravo! The Bitter Single Guy is so pleased to hear that his readers are working to resolve their own tacky behavior quirks without the need for restraining orders and without leaving a trail of angry ex’s in their wake. Of course, the BSG has no idea whether or not these are true for you, CHM…you may have worked your way through every potential partner and cheated on them all, so are reaching out to the BSG on your move across country to meet folks who don’t know about your cheatin’ ways. Either way, the BSG applauds you for getting help.
This one, believe it or not CMH, is easy. Cheating happens because you decide that maybe you’re missing something, that maybe the grass is greener on the other side of the white picket fence, that somehow someone has something BETTER than you do. Sound familiar? There are readers right now recalling this behavior from childhood and adolescence, and some of these folks (probably you, CHM) can’t seem to leave this behavior behind along with the maladaptive fashion choices of adolescence (droopy jeans? Really?). The BSG doesn’t mind telling you that he has been this guy on at least one occasion. OK, maybe two.
CMH, although it’s easy to identify the roots of cheating and call it what it is. It’s less easy to figure out what to do about it. But let’s refine the issue here, shall we? Cheating is only cheating if you have a commitment to someone. The BSG is acquainted with folks who have chosen a lifetime (so far) of casual dating and weekend one-nighters over a commitment because they just want more variety than in your average committed relationship. While this seems mildly titillating to some, it’s the BSG’s belief that it’s not really a healthy life-long choice (if for no other reason than that as one ages, this is quite frankly a tiring lifestyle).
So CMH, the easy answer is stop committing to relationships until you’re ready to see someone who seems cuter, sexier, funnier, richer, or more attractively mysterious than your current relationship; and then ignore that person (and their potential flirtatious ways) in favor of your relationship.
In the absence of that, and this is the obvious part to the BSG (now), but not the easy part: break up before you cheat. It’s only slightly less tacky, but it IS the right way to go about making the switch.
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