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Falling Back Into a Rut

July 12th, 2009 | No Comments | Posted in Stay Or Go?

Dear Bitter Single Guy: I’ve been struggling with a relationship for over a year now. We broke up a couple months ago because we fought too much and neither of us wanted that much drama in our lives. At first it was hard to be around him because I was so hurt that he stopped trying, but then it got easier and we quickly became close friends again. Some of the time, it feels like we are really over and I accept that we are just friends now. However most of the time, we act no differently than we did when we were together. We spend hours talking on the phone and I always go to him for advice if I need anything. Last weekend when we were hanging out, it felt so much like it used to that we kept accidently kissing. When we talked about it, he told me that he cares about me and can’t help finding me attractive. But when we talked about what we want, he said that he was happiest when we are just friends and not fighting and every time I ask if were really over for good he says “I don’t know”. It hurts sometimes that we’re not together but I think it might hurt more to let him go. Should I move on for good? Or should I wait and see how things play out for us because he obviously still cares? ~Stuck in Motion~

Dear SIM: The Bitter Single Guy is a little baffled by what the original problem was here. You broke up because you fought all the time, but now you spend really similar time together without fighting? Were you cohabitating or mixing checking accounts that led to all the conflict?

The BSG mostly thinks you need to figure out (maybe just for yourself) what it was you were fighting about and try to determine whether that will be true again if you’re back together. If you think you’re back in a false honeymoon period and that the battles will ramp up again as soon as you get comfortable, then the BSG recommends pulling out.

It’s pretty easy to fall into old patterns of relationships simply because they’re comfortable. It makes perfect sense to the BSG that you would enjoy hanging out and even a little kissing, but just because the water is a little refreshing on your toes, you don’t need to jump right back in the shark tank again. ~BSG~

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Master Manipulator?

December 16th, 2008 | 1 Comment | Posted in I'm A Tool

Dear Bitter Single Guy: I wrote to you about a month ago about the boy that I broke up with because I thought he was emotionally unavailable.  Well come to find out that he told a friend about how much he missed me and that he really messed up.  So a week ago, we saw the other and yes, we did the sex-with-the-ex thing. 

But when I tried to talk to him about getting back together, he had an excuse for everything and a reasons why we shouldn’t (police academy, living farther away, graveyards blah blah…) Why would he say that if he didn’t want to get back together?  Did I just get played? ~I’ve Been Manipulated~

Dear IBM: Yes, you’ve been played. Or more specifically, your Distraught Dude is opportunistic enough that when the offer of some nookie presented itself, he jumped on it (metaphorically speaking) without thought to what it meant for your former relationship.

It’s good that Distraught Dude is realizing that he messed up and good also that he’s telling his friends about it. But until he tells you, it doesn’t really count as anything. By the way, the BSG really hopes that you write back and tell all of us a little more about graveyards as an impediment to getting back together (unless it’s creepy, of course). ~BSG~

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