The Bitter Single Guy’s Relationship Advice

In Love with my Best Friend

Dear Bitter Single Guy: I have been friends with this girl for a while now, and I have developed feelings for her. I never wanted to act on it in fear of losing her. We talk all the time, and she recently started dating someone. She had never told me anything about her being in a relationship until I confronted her. She then told me and I have met him, and don’t think he is right for her. I never told her that. She is now acting very strange with me. I know in my head what I want to make of it, but I don’t know what’s real. And I don’t see why she didn’t tell me something was going on when we talk on a regular basis and about anything. I don’t know how I should proceed with this. I know now that she is seeing someone I can’t tell her how I really feel. Should I just work on getting over it, or should I wait and see how things go with her and this guy? ~Biding My Time~

Dear BMT: If the Bitter Single Guy were a gambling man (and he is), he would guess that your Dulcet Dandelion is completely aware of your feelings for her even though you haven’t told her about them. Heck, once you indicated that you “confronted her” about whether she was dating someone, the BSG was pretty sure that Dulcet Dandelion knew about your affection. In most friendships, confrontation isn’t necessary when asking about dating.

So the answer to your question about why she would start dating someone without telling her good friend (you), is that she knew you have feelings for her and she was either:

1. Forgetful
2. Trying to preserve your feelings
3. Not wanting to inspire you to express your feelings because she doesn’t share them.

The BSG suspects choice #3 because if she did have feelings for you and wanted you to know it, you would probably already know it (there are very few people able to conceal their affection for someone that they spend regular time with).

The answer to your second question: whether you should work on getting over it, or wait and see how things go with this guy, the BSG thinks you should get over it. At a minimum, if you’re her friend, she probably expects you to respect her choice of boyfriend even if you don’t think he’s right for her (the BSG wonders if you would find any guy right for her except you).

Short version is that you’re into Dulcet Dandelion and she’s not into you. At a minimum you should tell her how you feel because the BSG guarantees that nothing will happen (good or bad) otherwise. But expect when you tell her to hear that she doesn’t have those feelings for you, but that your friendship is important to her. At that point you’ll have to (as the BSG says above) get over it. ~BSG~

Heard my gf was cheating

Dear Bitter Single Guy: Awhile ago my gf told me a guy was saying very vulgar things to her at a party, and the next day my gf tells me her friend (who also likes this guy) says that my gf hooked up with him.

Now this girl (the informant) and my gf used to be friends and since have stopped speaking. I told my gf to find out what happened from her and if she couldn’t then I would (probably my first mistake). Well the informant contacts me and tells me that my gf cheated on me twice on the night in question with said guy, and that my gf has been lying to me and others. She even told me to talk to the guy my gf supposedly slept with.

I confronted my gf about this, denied all charges flat out. My gf calls the informant crazy and the informant calls my gf a liar. What should I do? I love my gf a lot; we’ve got plans about our future etc. The girl the informant describes doesn’t sound like my gf, the girl I know and love.

Should I dig deeper on this one? It’s incredibly stressful on our relationship. It’s a catch 22 almost. ~Wanting to Dig Deeper~

Dear WDD: The Bitter Single Guy thinks you need to side with your girlfriend on this. You say you trust her and The Informant seems to have an axe to grind where your girlfriend is concerned. The problem of course, is the consequences of being wrong. If you’re wrong and The Informant is trying to wreck your relationship, then you end up being the big giant jerk that didn’t trust his girlfriend instead of an obvious psycho wench. The BSG says trust the girlfriend, but he also thinks that the two of you should agree to cut off all contact with The Informant.

That said, the BSG is suspicious by nature and recommends paying attention for other signs of infidelity in the future. If The Informant is just doing a public service and telling the truth, then you’re going to have many years of getting over the hurt you’ll feel if your girlfriend is this fiendish. That said, the BSG thinks that if she’s ballsy enough to carry out this drama, then he suspects she’ll stray again. ~BSG~

Best Friend’s Little Sister

Dear Bitter Single Guy: So, the title says it all mostly. I’m 17 and my best friends little sister is 15. I have known her for her whole life and I have noticed that she has grown up a lot lately. One night, I crashed at their house bc there was a storm that I couldn’t drive home in. Around 3am, I got up and went down into the kitchen to get water, and his sister was there too…and we talked for a while, and ended up making out. Do you believe in that unspoken guy thing that you can’t date the sister, or do think I should go for it? ~Crossing the Line~

Dear CTL: Well technically the Bitter Single Guy thinks that your best friend is likely to be tweaked about your late-night make out session, so worrying now about his reaction is kind of closing the barn door after the horse has left, eh CTL?

The BSG doesn’t think there’s an unspoken rule (who ever makes those up if no one ever speaks about them?) but it is a little weird to imagine your family in romantic situations, so you dating (or whatever) your friend’s sister will definitely make your friendship awkward at least for awhile. The BSG says let this one go. A relationship in your teens isn’t likely to last more than a few months, while friendships can last years. ~BSG~

Dating a Four Year Old

Dear Bitter Single Guy: I’m having an odd situation with my bf. we have been dating nearly a year now and I already know and understand that he doesn’t like a good friend of mine.

so I tell him I’m going to my friend’s house for a little party with her grandma we have had every year since we have been friends. He doesn’t like that I’m hanging out with her and brings up for the first time that he wanted to hang out with me on that same day. Then he was basically making me choose between seeing him or going to my friends get-together, and if I saw my friend then he refused to see me the rest of the day because he said it would feel awkward seeing me after me coming from her house.

a little later in the evening after the party, I had invited him to see a show with me and my mom thinking that his little ‘you made your choice’ stunt wasn’t as serious as other times. He declined for the same reason. Then after I got out of the show with my mom, I find out he saw the same show at around the same time but in a different theater!

Do you have any idea why he would do this or how I should respond to it? ~Torn Between Friend and Boyfriend~

Dear TBFB: The Bitter Single Guy is, as he’s said before, usually limited because he only hears one side of the story. For that reason, his policy is usually to assume that what the letter-writer tells him is accurate. The BSG provides this disclaimer so you will understand his response here. Your boyfriend is a big whiny baby and someone needs to spank his whiny ass  (and not in that good way).

Really TBFB? He refused to be around you on a day that you had spent time with your friend? What, like you’ve got cooties on you or something? The BSG could almost…ALMOST…understand his position if the friend in question was an old boyfriend or even just another guy, but as the BSG understands it we’re talking about a girlfriend you’ve had for some years, right?

Unless she’s some sort of axe-murderer, Big Whiny Baby has a responsibility to let you have your friends and to agree to be relatively mature about it simply because she’s your friend. Of course, you have the responsibility to recognize that your boyfriend won’t like all your friends (or you his) and to respect those feelings when making plans. But frankly, none of these finer rules of relationships matter in the face of Big Whiny Baby’s cooties-avoidance behavior. Kick his ass a little, TBFB.

~BSG~

Fairytale Romance, Outsiders Don’t Approve.

Dear Bitter Single Guy: (Sorry in advance for any typos, I’m typing this from my iPhone) I am a formerly bitter single girl who managed to end up in a perfect relationship, after quite a while with the wrong man and then being bitterly single for a while. My boyfriend and I know for certain that we want to get married and have kids, and we even refer to each other as husband and wife, though it’s not official yet. So…what’s the problem?

It’s not us – it is quite a few people around us. I’m white and my hubby-to-be is Asian. A lot of people seem to have major issues with that pairing, especially because my hubby is not too Americanized, speaks with an accent, and English is not his first language. We get rude stares and faces made at us, and some desperate middle-aged white (and black) guys have taken it upon themselves to Inform me that Asian men have small penises, they beat their women, and that said middle-aged guy could “treat me right” unlike my Asian hubby. I’m getting kind of sick of these kinds of things, especially because they do happen in public where other people can hear what’s going on.

As well as the racism, we have constant negativity by bitter single (and married) people who don’t believe that my hubby and I don’t argue/fight, who tell us that it will never work because of age difference (he’s almost 10 years older), that I need to “settle down with a nice white man and pop out a few kids” (I actually had someone tell me that!), etc. In other words, people seem to be trying their best to sabotage a wonderful relationship. My hubby and I have both been through some really nasty breakups, abuse (me, not him), and we’ll never let anyone get between us.

BSG, how would you deal with such horrible behaviour from people? I’ve tried ignoring it, which is what I usually do, but I know I’m going to be dealing with this kind of racism from my own family (on my mother’s side) if they find out I’m marrying a FOB Taiwanese man.  And how do we get the naysayers to shut up, without resorting to throwing rotten food at them?

Thank you for any advice, for this formerly bitter single girl has finally found her true love and is sick of other bitter single people trying to make us miserable and break us up. ~ Harshing My Buzz~

Dear HMB: WTF?!  The Bitter Single Guy just has to ask in the most loving way possible…WTF?!

Move away HMB. That’s it. Screw the bastards who have a problem with your interracial relationship, or gay relationship, or age-differential relationship, or ANY kind of consensual adult relationship that makes you and your partner happy. Screw the bastards, pack your bags, and move to a more diverse coastal city. (The BSG knows that there are plenty of diverse and accepting cities in the middle of continents, but the odds are better on a coast. The BSG doesn’t know why, we just all know it’s true.)

Really HMB, someone said to settle down with a white guy and pop out a few kids? The BSG believes that public violence should be allowed in situations like that and he hopes you took the opportunity to smack the offender upside her or his head. Sheesh.

By the way HMB…you wrote all that on your iPhone?  You go girl. ~BSG~