The Bitter Single Guy’s Relationship Advice

Best Friend’s Little Sister

Dear Bitter Single Guy: So, the title says it all mostly. I’m 17 and my best friends little sister is 15. I have known her for her whole life and I have noticed that she has grown up a lot lately. One night, I crashed at their house bc there was a storm that I couldn’t drive home in. Around 3am, I got up and went down into the kitchen to get water, and his sister was there too…and we talked for a while, and ended up making out. Do you believe in that unspoken guy thing that you can’t date the sister, or do think I should go for it? ~Crossing the Line~

Dear CTL: Well technically the Bitter Single Guy thinks that your best friend is likely to be tweaked about your late-night make out session, so worrying now about his reaction is kind of closing the barn door after the horse has left, eh CTL?

The BSG doesn’t think there’s an unspoken rule (who ever makes those up if no one ever speaks about them?) but it is a little weird to imagine your family in romantic situations, so you dating (or whatever) your friend’s sister will definitely make your friendship awkward at least for awhile. The BSG says let this one go. A relationship in your teens isn’t likely to last more than a few months, while friendships can last years. ~BSG~

Dating a Four Year Old

Dear Bitter Single Guy: I’m having an odd situation with my bf. we have been dating nearly a year now and I already know and understand that he doesn’t like a good friend of mine.

so I tell him I’m going to my friend’s house for a little party with her grandma we have had every year since we have been friends. He doesn’t like that I’m hanging out with her and brings up for the first time that he wanted to hang out with me on that same day. Then he was basically making me choose between seeing him or going to my friends get-together, and if I saw my friend then he refused to see me the rest of the day because he said it would feel awkward seeing me after me coming from her house.

a little later in the evening after the party, I had invited him to see a show with me and my mom thinking that his little ‘you made your choice’ stunt wasn’t as serious as other times. He declined for the same reason. Then after I got out of the show with my mom, I find out he saw the same show at around the same time but in a different theater!

Do you have any idea why he would do this or how I should respond to it? ~Torn Between Friend and Boyfriend~

Dear TBFB: The Bitter Single Guy is, as he’s said before, usually limited because he only hears one side of the story. For that reason, his policy is usually to assume that what the letter-writer tells him is accurate. The BSG provides this disclaimer so you will understand his response here. Your boyfriend is a big whiny baby and someone needs to spank his whiny ass  (and not in that good way).

Really TBFB? He refused to be around you on a day that you had spent time with your friend? What, like you’ve got cooties on you or something? The BSG could almost…ALMOST…understand his position if the friend in question was an old boyfriend or even just another guy, but as the BSG understands it we’re talking about a girlfriend you’ve had for some years, right?

Unless she’s some sort of axe-murderer, Big Whiny Baby has a responsibility to let you have your friends and to agree to be relatively mature about it simply because she’s your friend. Of course, you have the responsibility to recognize that your boyfriend won’t like all your friends (or you his) and to respect those feelings when making plans. But frankly, none of these finer rules of relationships matter in the face of Big Whiny Baby’s cooties-avoidance behavior. Kick his ass a little, TBFB.

~BSG~

Fairytale Romance, Outsiders Don’t Approve.

Dear Bitter Single Guy: (Sorry in advance for any typos, I’m typing this from my iPhone) I am a formerly bitter single girl who managed to end up in a perfect relationship, after quite a while with the wrong man and then being bitterly single for a while. My boyfriend and I know for certain that we want to get married and have kids, and we even refer to each other as husband and wife, though it’s not official yet. So…what’s the problem?

It’s not us – it is quite a few people around us. I’m white and my hubby-to-be is Asian. A lot of people seem to have major issues with that pairing, especially because my hubby is not too Americanized, speaks with an accent, and English is not his first language. We get rude stares and faces made at us, and some desperate middle-aged white (and black) guys have taken it upon themselves to Inform me that Asian men have small penises, they beat their women, and that said middle-aged guy could “treat me right” unlike my Asian hubby. I’m getting kind of sick of these kinds of things, especially because they do happen in public where other people can hear what’s going on.

As well as the racism, we have constant negativity by bitter single (and married) people who don’t believe that my hubby and I don’t argue/fight, who tell us that it will never work because of age difference (he’s almost 10 years older), that I need to “settle down with a nice white man and pop out a few kids” (I actually had someone tell me that!), etc. In other words, people seem to be trying their best to sabotage a wonderful relationship. My hubby and I have both been through some really nasty breakups, abuse (me, not him), and we’ll never let anyone get between us.

BSG, how would you deal with such horrible behaviour from people? I’ve tried ignoring it, which is what I usually do, but I know I’m going to be dealing with this kind of racism from my own family (on my mother’s side) if they find out I’m marrying a FOB Taiwanese man.  And how do we get the naysayers to shut up, without resorting to throwing rotten food at them?

Thank you for any advice, for this formerly bitter single girl has finally found her true love and is sick of other bitter single people trying to make us miserable and break us up. ~ Harshing My Buzz~

Dear HMB: WTF?!  The Bitter Single Guy just has to ask in the most loving way possible…WTF?!

Move away HMB. That’s it. Screw the bastards who have a problem with your interracial relationship, or gay relationship, or age-differential relationship, or ANY kind of consensual adult relationship that makes you and your partner happy. Screw the bastards, pack your bags, and move to a more diverse coastal city. (The BSG knows that there are plenty of diverse and accepting cities in the middle of continents, but the odds are better on a coast. The BSG doesn’t know why, we just all know it’s true.)

Really HMB, someone said to settle down with a white guy and pop out a few kids? The BSG believes that public violence should be allowed in situations like that and he hopes you took the opportunity to smack the offender upside her or his head. Sheesh.

By the way HMB…you wrote all that on your iPhone?  You go girl. ~BSG~

Best Friends And Boyfriends

Dear Bitter Single Guy: A couple of weeks ago, my best guy friend and I decided to (finally!) date.

The problem is, I’m not sure I feel the way I’m supposed to. I’m used to being in a relationship where I’m high from all the mushy-gushy feelings one minute, and then overcome with lust the next. With “Drew”, it’s not like that. It’s just normal. Now, since none of my past relationships worked out, maybe I’m on to something with what I’ve got with “Drew”. I just don’t know…

He’s the perfect guy on paper – intelligent, funny, sweet, tall, attractive–but he doesn’t give me butterflies in my tummy. I guess what I want to know is how I whether or not I should break up with him. And if I should, how can I do that without losing his friendship? ~GF Without Butterflies~

Dear GFWB: The Bitter Single Guy knows how frustrating the lack of butterflies can be…damned butterflies.  He wishes (as you do) that on-paper attraction was just like butterfly-inducing attraction but we both know that it’s not.

Before he gets to your question about how to break up, the BSG wants to spend a moment on the relationship itself. The BSG’s experience is that butterflies (damned butterflies) are often present early in relationships and get activated because you’re learning festive and surprising new stuff about someone. Deciding to take an existing friendship to the next level means there are likely to be fewer festive surprises; resulting in the damned butterflies slumbering through your courtship. The only reason the BSG points this out is that those damned butterflies eventually quiet down anyway and more than one person has found that in the absence of the unsettling feeling that they’re going to puke at any minute, there isn’t much to their relationship.

The BSG doesn’t think this is a bad thing because relationships aren’t (in the BSG’s opinion) made to last, but many folks are surprised by having to make a relationship work when it’s not all sparky and butterfly-y all the damned time. 

So GFWB, all this is to say that if you’re missing the butterflies simply because you don’t know how to start a relationship without feeling unbalanced and unable to sleep (damned butterflies), then perhaps you should look closer to see if you’ve jumped right to the comfy part of a relationship.  To be clear, this does NOT mean that your BF shouldn’t make your toes curl a little when he licks your ear lobe (or you know…whatever). It just means that you might want to think twice before you bail, lest you become one of those unfortunates (the BSG knows these people; maybe you do, too) who are so addicted to the damned butterflies in the early stage of a relationship that they sabotage every relationship when it gets comfortable. While this keeps the excitement alive, it’s not a pretty pattern when one is in one’s 50’s and beyond (some might say).

OK GFWB, all that aside…your question was how to breakup without losing his friendship. Bummer Dude; it’s probably not possible for all the reasons you think. Unless, assuming you and your beau have the luck of the lotto, you are both feeling exactly the same thing at exactly the same time and are able to articulate it sufficiently well to avoid any weirdness. Not likely, but sometimes we all buy lottery tickets, right?

~BSG~

Roommates and Relationships

Dear Bitter Single Guy: I live with one of my best friends, who also happens to be a very attractive person of the opposite sex.  We get along great, better than any roommates I know of, and I love living with him.  We spend a ton of time together, cook dinner together almost every night, feel completely comfortable with each other and are basically like “family”.  Our friends joke that we are like an old married couple. 

The problem is that despite our better judgment, we keep ending up in bed together; especially if we have been drinking.  The sex is great and it doesn’t actually seem to have a negative affect (yet) on our friendship.  I am assuming that eventually this will change, and our indiscretions will lead to someone getting hurt and the destruction of our friendship.  Also, because we are so comfortable with each other and have such a good time hanging out with each other, I feel as though we are both putting a very minimal effort into dating and meeting new people. 

I don’t want him to move out and I don’t think that either of is really wants to give up the occasional night of drinking either, but I don’t know how else to handle this.  I never want to lose this guy as a friend and it seems as though that is where this will lead.  Can you offer any advice on how we might go about making more responsible decisions in the future?  Keep in mind that every time something happens we immediately sit down and talk about it… This isn’t something that we have neglected to discuss or try to find ways of preventing on our own. ~Randy Roommate~

Dear RR: The Bitter Single Guy (and most of his readers, he suspects) wonders what the problem is here? You’re living with a guy you’re attracted to (who is also apparently attracted to you), you enjoy each other’s time, cook meals together, aren’t really interested in other people, and have great sex after a few drinks.

RR you have a boyfriend!  Congratulations; the BSG is happy to be the first to tell you, although he thinks it could have been obvious, yes? Maybe not.

Now the BSG knows that you’re saying “No, that’s not the point!  We’re just friends!” Well the BSG thinks the lady doth protest too much. There are readers out there who would love to be in a relationship like this one. Heck, even the BSG would be unlikely to toss this one out on its ear.

RR if the problem is that you don’t actually want to be in a relationship with this Charming Chap, the BSG might wonder why, but he would respect that decision. In that case, the BSG would say that you need some distance. If you two continue this fiction that you’re actually just roommates and one of you gets an actual date, much heartbreak and drama will ensue. Trust the BSG here…this is a time bomb.

If you’re so good at talking about why you had sex after a few drinks (the BSG thinks this would be a fast conversation: “Wow! So once my inhibitions were lowered a little, my consistent attraction to you made me want to do intimate touchy stuff with you, again! Glad we talked about that, aren’t you?”) then you should be pretty good at talking about the fact that YOU’RE IN A RELATIONSHIP. Good luck and tell us all how it goes, RR. ~BSG~