The Bitter Single Guy’s Relationship Advice

Avoiding Long Distance Drama

Dear Bitter Single Guy: I am 19 years old, and I am currently taking a year off from school. I am set to go to Brown next year. Around a month ago I met a guy online. We clicked fast, really fast. We don’t have everything in common, but we kind of complement each other. I saw him online and he saw me. We are both attracted to each other. We talked for hours, and texted each other often. I have never felt this way about anyone before. He has had many girlfriends before, I have had only one boyfriend. But this is the first time I think I’ve fallen in love with someone.

There was one huge problem however, I live in Miami and he lives in Indianapolis. After weeks of this going on I became confused and worried that this was not going to work. After all we live very far from each other and I am going to start school in another state. I have heard that most long term relationships don’t work. I told him this one day. Later that day he told me that he loved me and that he had never felt about anyone this way. He is also willing to wait for me. All this went on in less than a month. I love talking to him, and I have feelings for him. At the same time, we live far. Also, I have not dated more guys and I feel that if I fall too far for this guy I will be missing many opportunities in the future. After hours of talking we came to the conclusion that we need to stop talking to each other until I figure out what I want. Either way he told me that he loves me. I am very confused. I don’t know what to do. Help? ~Looking At Long Distance~

Dear LALD: You’re right, this isn’t going to work.

The Bitter Single Guy doesn’t feel like stringing you along like Long-Distance Lad is doing, so he’s just saying it out loud: this relationship is doomed. The pressure of long distance, you not being sure what you want and starting school will all prove to be too much for your fledgling love.

Tell Long-Distance Lad that you love him too, but one of you has to be strong for both of you (suddenly, this is like an after-school special), so you have to tell him goodbye. Go to college, meet boys, have dates…it’s your destiny. ~BSG~

When Good Technology Goes Bad

Dear Bitter Single Guy: I stumbled across your site tonight and think you have an awesome thing going here.

To the point: I’ve been involved in a long distance relationship for about three years now. She lives in NC, I live in AZ. There have been many times that we have talked about exchanging pictures and talking on the phone, and even sending letter snail mail. I have given her my address and phone number, yet I have received no call or mail from her. She hasn’t given me her info (phone number or address). She has pictures of me that I have emailed her and she has also viewed my webcam, but she hasn’t given me the same. We also used to talk online every day or at least email each other several times a day. These days, if I hear from her twice in one week, it’s a good week.

I feel like she has something to hide and it’s probably time to cut ties and move on. But I am the type to not let go of a relationship. I am deeply in love with her and don’t want to see things end. Please give me your honest opinion on what you think I should do. Love-Bitten, Confused Man.

Dear LBCM: Does the Bitter Single Guy understand you correctly that in three years in this relationship you have neither seen nor spoken to your girlfriend? That all your contact has been strictly by email? LBCM, the BSG thinks this is an example of when good technology goes bad. The BSG is all about online dating and using all of one’s resources to stay in contact, but the nature of a loving relationship is connection. You obviously have a strong connection through the words you type, but if you haven’t even seen her or spoke to her, what’s really there?

LBCM, the BSG is now feeling a little paranoid on your behalf (although the BSG thinks he would have felt this way after a couple of weeks, not three years). What if she’s a dude? What if she’s 75 years old? What if she’s a 75 year old dude? Not to say that there isn’t room for all types of love and that you and grandpa might live very happily together, but geez LBCM what else could be going on here?

If the BSG were you, he might stage a little reconnaissance mission to North Carolina to get a glimpse of this Tantalizing Tadpole from afar. But knowing how stalker-like that seems, the BSG just recommends moving on to someone with a face and a voice.

Now, there are those of you who have seen way too many after-school specials and are now thinking that the BSG has been unreasonably harsh here. You’re imagining a girl who was horribly disfigured when she saved a bunch of orphans from a burning bus. Now she’s so traumatized by the sight of her burned features that he can’t bear to be seen or to talk to anyone and doesn’t this girl deserve love, too? Yes dear readers…Burn Victim Girl definitely deserves love, but there’s a point where even she needs to step up and tell LBCM what the heck is going on with her elusiveness.

Or (the BSG is WAY out in weirdo-land here) maybe she’s a SPY!  And she can’t let herself be seen or heard because it would endanger national security…OR maybe she’s an ALIEN!  Yeah, probably she’s just a 75 year old man, but regardless of who this Tantalizing Tadpole is, you have a right to some more information LBCM. ~BSG~