Dear Bitter Single Guy: Back in March, this guy broke up with me because he wanted to move on and see other people. I think he was cheating on me, but of course he denies it. While we were dating, he told me about his aunt and uncle that live in the same city as us. They seemed like cool people, I always wanted to get to know them, but before I could they got a divorce. And I got dumped.
To make a long story short: I met my ex’s uncle, and we really hit it off. He’s twice my age, but I really, really enjoy spending time with him. He says he’s not ready for a relationship, but I’ve been seeing him for the past 3 months and things are going really well for us. He says that he’s too old for me and the relationship being as it is (he’s my ex’s uncle) things can’t stay like this forever.
It sounds crazy, I guess. Is this situation just too messed up, and should I abandon ship even though I’m really happy in my situation? Or should I just let things take their course? ~Likes Old Men~
Dear LOM: The Bitter Single Guy sees two things going on here: you dating within your ex’s family and you dating a man twice your age. Let’s look at them separately, shall we?
The BSG doesn’t think there is anything wrong with the Old dating the Young. There are countless stories out there about emotional age vs. chronological age and the gist seems to be that if everyone is having fun then why the heck not? All the stuff that goes with big age differences will apply and may eventually get in the way:
· You probably don’t share musical/movie/book tastes
· You won’t get the pop culture references that he and his same-aged friends make to time periods during which you weren’t alive or were just “on the teat”.
· If you assume (the BSG does not necessarily assume) that the purpose of a dating relationship is to find a long-term relationship, then you might think about what it will be like to be with him when he’s 80.
All that aside, the BSG’s earlier point still applies: if everyone’s having fun, why not? Although the BSG feels he should say that if Grandpa is clear with you about not wanting a relationship and you’re hoping he changes his mind, then you’re almost certainly going to get your heart broken. But that’s no reason not to hang in there…broken hearts are easier than dead ones (that’s dark even for the BSG).
The second point is about dating within your ex’s family. The BSG believes that there are people who will find this creepy, including your ex. Yeah, as he thinks about it, the BSG is pretty sure that the idea of his uncle “going” where he had been will be pretty creepy to your ex. But what the heck, that’s his problem. Except that it will likely cause familial problems for Grandpa when, at the extended family gathering, he shows up with you to introduce you to his nephew (oops, you already know him), and maybe his ex-wife or his sibling (your ex’s parents?). Yeah…it can get ugly.
But you know what LOM? Relationships have plenty of landmines. If you avoid them all you’ll miss out on a great time. Hang in there until it gets all dramatic and Jerry Springer-like then write back to the BSG for some support on getting over Grandpa. ~BSG~