The Bitter Single Guy’s Relationship Advice

Heard my gf was cheating

Dear Bitter Single Guy: Awhile ago my gf told me a guy was saying very vulgar things to her at a party, and the next day my gf tells me her friend (who also likes this guy) says that my gf hooked up with him.

Now this girl (the informant) and my gf used to be friends and since have stopped speaking. I told my gf to find out what happened from her and if she couldn’t then I would (probably my first mistake). Well the informant contacts me and tells me that my gf cheated on me twice on the night in question with said guy, and that my gf has been lying to me and others. She even told me to talk to the guy my gf supposedly slept with.

I confronted my gf about this, denied all charges flat out. My gf calls the informant crazy and the informant calls my gf a liar. What should I do? I love my gf a lot; we’ve got plans about our future etc. The girl the informant describes doesn’t sound like my gf, the girl I know and love.

Should I dig deeper on this one? It’s incredibly stressful on our relationship. It’s a catch 22 almost. ~Wanting to Dig Deeper~

Dear WDD: The Bitter Single Guy thinks you need to side with your girlfriend on this. You say you trust her and The Informant seems to have an axe to grind where your girlfriend is concerned. The problem of course, is the consequences of being wrong. If you’re wrong and The Informant is trying to wreck your relationship, then you end up being the big giant jerk that didn’t trust his girlfriend instead of an obvious psycho wench. The BSG says trust the girlfriend, but he also thinks that the two of you should agree to cut off all contact with The Informant.

That said, the BSG is suspicious by nature and recommends paying attention for other signs of infidelity in the future. If The Informant is just doing a public service and telling the truth, then you’re going to have many years of getting over the hurt you’ll feel if your girlfriend is this fiendish. That said, the BSG thinks that if she’s ballsy enough to carry out this drama, then he suspects she’ll stray again. ~BSG~

Keeping Her Ex’s Picture

Dear Bitter Single Guy: My boyfriend was looking through my phone and saw a picture of an old boyfriend in my pictures. He asked why I saved it and I said that my pictures automatically save; he knew that they don’t though. He hates lying but I felt pressured and lied. I love him with all my heart and really don’t know what to do. We’re going to talk tomorrow and he said if I don’t have a reason for lying that we’re done. I have no feelings for the guy in the picture I just forgot it was on there and I’m lost without my boyfriend. I really don’t know what going to happen but as of right now I have no reason for lying just because I always save my pictures. Please help me! ~Picture Saver~

Dear PS: The Bitter Single Guy is not fooled here. He sees that you are distressed and is (of course) sad for that, but you dance around the issue here. You received a picture from an old boyfriend and made the conscious choice to save it. Whatever your reason (nostalgia, eye-candy, shopping for your next boyfriend) you haven’t told the BSG or your boyfriend why you saved this picture.

PS, you’re wringing your hands and wailing about how important your boyfriend is and how you love him with all your heart, then you say you have no reason for lying. Well gracious PS, that’s just hooey. Of course you have a reason for lying or you wouldn’t have lied. It’s more likely that you’re just not willing to tell either your boyfriend or the BSG what that reason is.

The BSG recommends being honest and he means actually honest which could be:

• I think my ex is hot and liked the picture so wanted to keep it.
• I think about my ex sometimes, even though I’m happy in our relationship.
• It seems sometimes that you’re willing to throw our relationship away because of something as petty as  a lie about a picture on a phone, so I like to keep my options open until I think that you and I are more stable and by the way, what were you doing going through the pictures on my phone?

Yes, the BSG took a swipe at your boyfriend there because that seems like an important piece of this pie as well. ‘Fess up, PS. Your life will be easier.

~BSG~

Getting Over It

Dear Bitter Single Guy: My BF of a year and a few months and I lived together and we had an argument over something he lied to me about. So things were rocky for 2 months. I agreed to let it go and work to move past it which we were for a month, and things were okay.

I started to feel he was becoming a little distant so I asked him what was up.  He said he didn’t want to leave, but wasn’t sure if he wanted to stay and was basically unsure about his feelings for me anymore.  He doesn’t feel I was making a genuine effort to get past our issues, which I was.

I told him I didn’t want to end this, but he said he needed to because he was unsure of what he was feeling.  My question is: What is this? Is it really over?  What is “space” when guys say they need it?  Sounds like BS to me?  Help!!! ~Don’t Have Space~

Dear DHS: Hmmm…the Bitter Single Guy admits that he is usually (as you all know) a fan of pulling the plug when it seems that there is no life left in a relationship, but one tiny point in your letter is making him re-think a little. You say that your Reluctant Romeo doesn’t believe you were making an effort to get past the lie.

The BSG believes that getting past a relationship problem whether lying, cheating, or putting empty juice cartons back in the fridge, is a different process for everyone. Stay with the BSG here DHS, he promises this is relevant.

The BSG has been accused in the past of being very literal. Oddly, the BSG welcomes this accusation because he believes that his literal-ness is one of his best qualities.  One result of this literal world view is that the BSG has a limited ability to feel bad when he screws up. His usual approach is to determine what he should have done differently, decide why he didn’t do it that way in the first place, make the correction and move on.

But on occasion, the BSG has been involved with someone who needed him to just feel bad and be sorry for an extended period of time. This has resulted in further conflict.

Reading your letter, the BSG wonders if you are subtly punishing Reluctant Romeo for the lie that you have apparently moved past? Perhaps there are subtle ways that you indicate that he can’t be trusted, or that he’ll lie again? Any of these behaviors are likely to make Reluctant Romeo feel like he’s fighting an uphill battle that he can’t win.

It’s also important for the BSG to say that none of this may be true at all. Maybe your Reluctant Romeo has just had enough and your relationship has run its course. So the BSG’s musings aside, if Reluctant Romeo needs “space”, isn’t sure he wants to stay and isn’t sure of his feelings for you then you’re probably being subtly dumped (the BSG wants his readers and their B/GF’s to start taking more responsibility for breakups when they’re imminent, darnit).

If this is unrecoverable, the BSG says step up and dump him.  But the BSG also hopes you think about whether you were REALLY over the lie, or if you were punishing him. ~BSG~