The Bitter Single Guy’s Relationship Advice

The Relationship Restaurant

Dear Bitter Single Guy: I recently started a relationship that was just beginning to become intimate when he pulled away, telling me that he had past issues about dating co-workers. I know that there are feelings and a very strong sexual attraction between us, but even now when we don’t work together, I have difficulties getting him to talk about our relationship. I don’t have much experience dating men, having mostly dated women. (I don’t know if that means anything or not.)

I have even asked him if he wants to break up. He says no, that he wants to have an open relationship with me, and that I do mean a lot to him. He seems to get very flustered when he is around me but gets very aroused when we are intimate together. — Confused And Frustrated

Dear CAF: The Bitter Single Guy finds himself wondering if you and this gentleman have dined out together? Was he a steak and salad guy or a buffet guy? The BSG’s guess is that he asked the waiter to bring him several dishes artfully displayed and he nibbled from each as it pleased him. If asked why he wanted his meal served that way, he replied that “issues came up from his past about restaurants”. If asked if he would like to finish any of the dishes, he would probably want “to have an open relationship with each dish and that each one does mean a lot to him”.

Further, the BSG bets that when he was faced with desert, he was “very aroused” and managed to scarf down the desert with no obvious commitment problems. Are you getting the point, CAF? He can eat his meal any way he wants to, but as one of the entrees you should only participate in this meal if it makes your toes curl.

Does your lesbian her-story make a difference? Sure, everything makes a difference. Are you less informed as a result? Hardly! He gets aroused when you’re intimate? Here’s a tip: most guys have been aroused by a TV commercial.

Oh CAF, the Bitter Single Guy’s heart goes out to you. At one time he found himself in a situation where his expectations and his date’s did not match. The solution? Change your expectations or change your date. ~BSG~

Grabbing Him by The Reins

Dear Bitter Single Guy: I have recently developed a crush on this guy. We both attend the same college. He’s very sweet, and we seem to have good conversations whenever we get to speak to one another. The only problem is that I’m having a hard time trying to figure out if he likes me or is just being nice. Sometimes it feels as if he really enjoys talking to me and is interested in me but then again, he hasn’t made a move and doesn’t seem to plan on doing so in the near future. I’ve heard that a guy just isn’t interested if he hasn’t made the first move no matter how shy he may be. What do you think? ~Ready for the Next Move~

Dear RFNM: Firstly the Bitter Single Guy wants to say that there is no rule that applies to all guys (not girls though…they’re really straightforward and easy to figure out). That said, it’s usually a good rule of thumb to believe that if a guy (or girl) likes you then he’ll actually make some move in that direction. Otherwise, you have either a guy who is really wishy-washy (“sure, I’ll go out if you want to, whatever.”) or a guy who is really painfully shy.

So the real question RFNM is whether you’re willing to get involved in a guy who is wishy-washy or is painfully shy?

All this aside, the BSG recommends (as he recommends to many folks) that you just ask the damned question. “Hey Dude. You’re sweet and I like chatting with you. What do you think about going out on a date sometime this week?” The worse that can happen is that he will freak out and decline and then the only thing you’ve really lost is several more weeks (months?) of confusion.

Do it RFNM. ~BSG~

Guys Are Simple

Dear Bitter Single Guy: I need a bottom line! Are men really simple? I argue that they are. More specifically, if they like a girl, they’ll go after her. If they don’t, they won’t. And if they’re in between or back and forth we’re better off moving on. Right? ~Got It Figured Out~

Dear GIFO: The Bitter Single Guy would love to tell you that guys are complex and multi-faceted creatures, but whether that’s true or not, he thinks you’re better off treating them as if they’re simple. Right now, there are guys getting their gander all up in defense of their own delightful complexity but the BSG wants to clarify: he doesn’t think guys are necessarily simply, he just thinks it’s easier treating them that way…just as it’s easier treating women that way. (Ganders are less agitated thinking that now the BSG is insulting everyone…not just the dudes).

To clarify GIFO, the BSG doesn’t think that it’s ever helpful to assume that if a guy (or girl) likes a girl (or guy) that he’ll “go after her”. There are a zillion reasons why someone might not pursue someone that they’re attracted to. BUT (the BSG knew you knew there would be a big but), the BSG doesn’t think there’s anything productive in trying to read between ANYone’s lines (so to speak).

If you suspect that a guy likes you but he’s not in pursuit, walk away. If he realizes you’re not going to play whatever game he’s playing, he’ll step up (if he’s a step-up kind of guy, which is good) or he’ll kick himself for missing his chance. Either way GIFO you’re better off if you let guys know that you’re not willing to play the your-lips-say-no-but-your-eyes-say-yes game. Eyes don’t speak.

Of course, one could argue that if guys are simple, then so is the BSG and this may be useless information. You decide, GIFO. ~BSG~

Signals: Mixed, not Stirred

Dear Bitter Single Guy: I recently started dating this guy…I am a tall girl and he is a little bit shorter than me which always seems to pose some threat to men.  We have been dating three weeks and I really like him, but he continually tells me that I’m not the usual type he goes for; but he isn’t mine either. 

When we were just talking like on the phone and/or texting we had a real connection but yesterday he said that he wasn’t sure if we had a connection.  He confuses me, I mean I know he loves to hang out with me especially since every time after we hangout he text or calls about how much fun he had and how happy he was to see me. 

I am so confused with him…I mean it seems like he really likes me but I def don’t want to hear about other girls thinking he is hot…maybe he just wants to make me think he is wanted and that I am lucky to be with him or something like that.  What do I do about all these mixed signals…I hate games and don’t like when guys play them. ~Getting Mixed Signals~

Dear GMS: Where did you find this gem? He’s told you you’re not his type, told you that you don’t think there’s a connection, and tells you how hot other girls think he is?

The reason he’s sending you mixed signals is that he doesn’t have the cojones to actually shit or get off the pot (look that reference up…it’s relevant, the BSG swears). He’s hoping that you’ll dump him because that’s much easier than taking responsibility for himself. Give him what he wants, GMS. Dump his sorry ass until he can figure out how to tell you that he feels a connection with you, he hopes you think he’s hot, and you’re his new type. ~BSG~