The Bitter Single Guy’s Relationship Advice

Lost in Translation

Dear Bitter Single Guy: Throughout my life I’ve always been the big brother or the best friend to most girls. Recently, a few people said they like me. But then said they “have a thing with someone else” or “were just too good of friends”. I haven’t been in a relationship for awhile. I was wondering if you could tell me how to move past being the best friend or the second option? ~More Than Friends~

Dear MTF: The Bitter Single Guy feels your pain, brother. The BSG himself spent time with way more friends and way fewer girlfriends than he wanted. The BSG’s personal journey through that hellish time is a conversation for a different day (and a cocktail), but he does have some pointers for you.

The BSG guesses that these girls that you’re friends with find you “safe” and that they can “tell you anything”, right MTF? The message embedded in these faux compliments are that they look for safety and open communication in their girl friends and “big-brothery” guy-friends. What they look for in guys they date is some mystery, some edginess, (frankly) some frustration. There are probably girls reading right now thinking “No, BSG…I’m ALL about the safe, quiet men for romance and sweaty times.”

Yeah, right. The BSG isn’t fooled by your unwillingness to admit your own desires, ladies.  MTF, girls (and guys as well for that matter) like a little challenge in their dating life. The BSG recommends you adding some edginess, some mystery or just some aloof-ness. The BSG doesn’t know if your high school is/was anything like his, but the guys who ignored all the girls invariably got the most attention from them. Dating is a cruel world out there, MTF.

If you’re anything like the BSG was, you probably don’t know what edginess or aloof-ness looks like, so the BSG will be a little more literal. Try making brief eye contact with a girl you’re attracted to. Hold the eye contact just a tiny bit longer than is comfortable, then look slowly away. That’s it. Don’t look again for the rest of that day and maybe for a couple of days. Then, look again…hold it…hold it…and break away slowly. The BSG promises you’ll get her attention and if you manage to avoid coming off like a stalker she’ll be intrigued. That’s what you want.

Practice that and let the BSG know how it’s going, and he’ll provide more ideas.

~BSG~

The Anxiety of Starting Over

Dear Bitter Single Guy: I’m 27 and I broke up with my girlfriend of six years a few months ago.  I decided that if I didn’t want to marry her I was just stringing both of us along.  My dating life before her was easier since I was still in college, going to parties, and constantly meeting new people.  Now I am in the realm of the adult dating world and have been a bit lost but learning quickly. 

I met a girl a few weeks after the break up and started hanging out occasionally.  I am not looking for a serious relationship but I feel like that I had been in one for so much of my dating life it is all I know.  So the girl and I have kissed a few times and she spent the night at my house once.  However, I can’t seem to find it in myself to take the next move and turn it into a sexual relationship.  I have a nervousness that I haven’t felt since I was 17.  What should I do to get over the anxiety in the bedroom and take the relationship to the next level? ~Over-Anxious Guy~

Dear OAG: The Bitter Single Guy knows that there are tons of bitter jaded women reading your letter and getting all hopeful again. “Look!” they’ll exclaim. “This guy actually did the RIGHT thing when his relationship wasn’t progressing, and now he’s trying to figure out how to do the right thing in a NEW relationship!”  Then they’ll sigh heavily.

OAG, the BSG is actually really GLAD for you! The BSG knows MANY people who would give up their favorite pair of jeans just to have 5 minutes of that nervousness that comes at the beginning of a relationship.

OK, enough.  The BSG knows it’s probably just annoying for him to be treating your problem like it’s a cute, fuzzy bunny.  There isn’t any way to get over your nervousness. If you want to take your new relationship to the next level, then dammit OAG, just go there.  The BSG recommends letting your Delicate Flower know that you’re a little nervous since it’s been so long since you’ve had a new relationship yadda yadda yadda…she’ll think it’s cute and will easily forgive any flubs on your part (around the planet, the BSG hears those bitter jaded women sighing again). ~BSG~