Love from 40 Years Ago
Dear Bitter Single Guy: I have located a woman whom I was and am in love with from 40 years ago. We were both young then. She says now that it was only a crush on an older guy who paid attention to her. I was in love with her but afraid of her father who was a police officer. I was 22 at the time and she was 17. I have always remained in love with her. She says that I came into and out of her life so quickly she never had a chance to build any relationship. She said I just disappeared which I did. Now it 40 years later she is a widow with grown children. I come suddenly into her life professing my love. She says she was flattered back then that an older guy was attracted to her now she can only offer her friendship. I love this woman as much today as I did then maybe even more. I think I have hounded her with emails, songs and such that maybe I am pushing her even further away. Is it possible you think that anything could ever be between us? I am 62 years old and I do not know what to do or to turn to for advice. Most would consider me just a crazy old man I suppose. ~Rekindling the Flame~
Dear RTF: The Bitter Single Guy doesn’t think you’re a crazy old man. Rather he applauds you for deciding what you want and going for it. So many of us let things go and wonder what might have been, but not you! Nice work RTF.
But the BSG also doesn’t think you’re in love with this Lost Lily, if you ever were. The BSG thinks that 40 years ago, a normal girl came into your life and you, for the past 40 years, have pinned all your might-have-beens to your memory of this girl. The BSG is guessing that you’ve had other relationships in your life that haven’t turned out as magically as you imagined the one with Lost Lily would and all the while you figured that your life would have been better with her. The BSG knows this is a hard thing to hear (read), but he knows you come to him for the hard truths.
RTF, good for you for deciding what you wanted and going for it, but it’s time to face the truth. You are in love with a memory, which is not a bad thing to be in love with, but it’s not up to Lost Lily to populate your memory with reality. The BSG wants to remind you that you don’t even know this woman. The day to day of love has a world of tiny annoyances, victories and defeats that you’ve missed completely because Lost Lily has been a static memory in your head. Heck, you have been able to let her “age” any way that you wanted her to! So it’s no wonder you remained in love with her.
Stop stalking Lost Lily with emails and songs and such. Add her to your Christmas card list so she knows how to find you if she wants to. If she ends up thinking back to the crush she had on you 40 years ago, let her contact you. But you and the BSG both know that you need to move on. ~BSG~
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