The Bitter Single Guy’s Relationship Advice

Avoiding Long Distance Drama

Dear Bitter Single Guy: I am 19 years old, and I am currently taking a year off from school. I am set to go to Brown next year. Around a month ago I met a guy online. We clicked fast, really fast. We don’t have everything in common, but we kind of complement each other. I saw him online and he saw me. We are both attracted to each other. We talked for hours, and texted each other often. I have never felt this way about anyone before. He has had many girlfriends before, I have had only one boyfriend. But this is the first time I think I’ve fallen in love with someone.

There was one huge problem however, I live in Miami and he lives in Indianapolis. After weeks of this going on I became confused and worried that this was not going to work. After all we live very far from each other and I am going to start school in another state. I have heard that most long term relationships don’t work. I told him this one day. Later that day he told me that he loved me and that he had never felt about anyone this way. He is also willing to wait for me. All this went on in less than a month. I love talking to him, and I have feelings for him. At the same time, we live far. Also, I have not dated more guys and I feel that if I fall too far for this guy I will be missing many opportunities in the future. After hours of talking we came to the conclusion that we need to stop talking to each other until I figure out what I want. Either way he told me that he loves me. I am very confused. I don’t know what to do. Help? ~Looking At Long Distance~

Dear LALD: You’re right, this isn’t going to work.

The Bitter Single Guy doesn’t feel like stringing you along like Long-Distance Lad is doing, so he’s just saying it out loud: this relationship is doomed. The pressure of long distance, you not being sure what you want and starting school will all prove to be too much for your fledgling love.

Tell Long-Distance Lad that you love him too, but one of you has to be strong for both of you (suddenly, this is like an after-school special), so you have to tell him goodbye. Go to college, meet boys, have dates…it’s your destiny. ~BSG~

He Covers All the Bases

Dear Bitter Single Guy: here are the specs in a nutshell. I am 26, well rounded with brawn, brain, talent and youthful looks. I’m a broke college student, but I’m persistent and slowly making it. Having a hard time finding girls interested who are not my friends, fat or old or all of the above.

Most of the time I get by with personality, but I’m starting to wonder if mother nature is right about hot young females choosing the older bucks who are capable of providing more for their young and the short young bucks tend to get overlooked and abandoned through society, will I have to conquer a small country to be noticed by a girl I actually like? Lay it on me BSG ~Really Short Jewish Man~

Dear RSJM: The Bitter Single Guy is proud of your practical approach to finding what’s missing. Frankly; with brawn, brains, talent and youthfulness, the BSG wonders why the dames aren’t just falling down around your feet.   What you didn’t mention is what you’re doing to find these non-friend, non-fat, non-old chicks?

*Side note: the BSG will address the old and fat points momentarily. Please stand by*

RSJM, are you trying online dating? In sales language, we refer to that as “filling your pipeline” (which made some of you instantly think of something else to which the BSG says “ewwww”). Dating online can, as we all know, be soul-crushing; but if you’ve got the goods (and RSJM a confident attitude is a necessary component that you seem to have), then you should get out there.

Other than getting out there and looking rather than waiting for love to knock on your door, the BSG recommends finding creative outlets for all your brawn and brains. Get a hobby, join a club, take up some athletic endeavor…whatever it is, find a group that is interested in the same kind of activity. You’ll end up meeting all kinds of like-minded folks.

Additionally RSJM, if you’re being passed over by girls who are falling for older bucks, then the good news is that you’ll age into view for the girls you’re most attracted to.

By the way RSJM, the BSG warns you to be careful. The Universe listens to folks trying to avoid old, fat, (or whatever) folks and if you’re not careful you’ll find yourself falling hard for a portly 50 year-old. If that happens well then Mazal Tov. ~BSG~