The Bitter Single Guy’s Relationship Advice

Avoiding A Rebound Relationship

Thanks Kelly for reminding the BSG that he has become lax in answering letters! It’s been a busy 2010 so far, dear readers…but the BSG will be here more in the coming days, he swears. ~BSG~

Dear Bitter Single Guy: Six months ago, I broke up with my boyfriend of three years and it ended okay (it was mutual). I don’t feel bitter or angry. I’ve come to terms with it and have dated a bit since then. About a month ago, I met someone special from an online dating website and I like him very much. My question is: how long should one wait before getting into a new relationship, or rather, how can one avoid a rebound relationship? I should add that I do not have a history of so-called “serial monogamy” and I’m very comfortable with being single. I noticed that you don’t have too much on your column regarding rebound relationships so I thought I should ask. ~Don’t Want to Bounce~

Dear DWB: Although the Bitter Single Guy has written many times about rebounds, it’s been many mango seasons, so it’s likely not in the archives anymore. The BSG believes that rebounding is inevitable, particularly in a bad breakup or even an emotional breakup.

Since you say that your breakup was amicable and that you’ve had a few dates since then, the BSG thinks you’re probably safe from a really ugly rebound situation. For those who are unfamiliar with the dynamics of a rebound relationship, it’s not uncommon, if one believes themselves to have been treated shabbily in their previous relationship, to decide to punish the new relationship as a result. This is the annoyance of a rebound…in a new relationship, we’re all dealing with the detritus from our new date’s last relationship…at least a little.

DWB, the BSG would give you the complete green light if not for two things:

It’s only been six months, which is really not very long considering you’re purging yourself from a 3 year relationship.

You bring up the possibility of a rebound. This is both good and bad. Bad because if you’re thinking about it, you’re probably feeling it somewhat. But the BSG thinks this is good because you’re paying attention.

The BSG recommends starting something up with online guy (please tell the BSG that you’ve met him in person by now…if not, you’re not dealing with a real person yet…just your reaction to an online persona), but taking it slowly. If no dragons rear their heads in the next month or so, the BSG would say that you’re as much in the clear as you’ll ever be.

~BSG~

Been Given the Runaround

Dear Bitter Single Guy: My query is in relation to a girl I met a couple of months ago. She is over 4 years older than me and I am 26. I know that she was married a few years ago but her husband left her for another woman, this does not bother me in the slightest, however I believe she has a totally different view on relationships/men now. I have been keeping in contact with her and she has been ringing me late at night.

Over the past month I have stayed over at her place, however no sex occurred nor was instigated. It all seemed to be going well, however recently she has given me the cold shoulder and I feel a bit used. Now anytime I text her I get a one word/blunt reply. My question is what do I do now, or is it something I did. ~Getting The Runaround~

Dear GTR: This is easy for the Bitter Single Guy to say, but won’t be easy to hear. Your Jilted Jewel is using you for her rebound relationship. She’s taking control of her bruised heart by stringing you along and reclaiming her power in a relationship.

This relationship is over. Don’t text her anymore, not even to get the last word (it’s SO tempting to get one last zinger in there before you go dark, the BSG knows). If you are her rebound relationship, she’ll probably just go dark herself. If  however, she actually likes you and is just being evil and controlling about her affections, then you going dark will get her attention and let her know you’re not to be trifled with.

But GTR we both know that this is actually over. ~BSG~