Dear Bitter Single Guy: I have had two really serious relationships in my life. The kind that you are certain will last for life. There were plenty of others but whose two were certainly different. They both got married this summer (not to each other) and that drove me to some great depressions and drinking.
I was put into rehab and finished with great success. There is a comeback group that visits the hospital weekly to talk to current patients about treatment and what life is like afterwards. This is where I met a wonderful woman. When she got out we started hanging out more and more. It started as support and then one night led to a lot more. Two days later her roommate found her cutting herself in an apparent suicide attempt.
This scared me so much that I constantly make myself available to her so that she doesn’t do it again.
Now, she can’t find a job anywhere and has started working as a stripper. I have taken her all around town many times to find something else but no one seems to be hiring. At first she had great anxiety and depression dealing with this new occupation. It completely consumed her. For an hour or two before and after work she isn’t really there, you know? Just a lost soul it seems. She is becoming destroyed. I can’t convince her to not do it because she has to work.
To make matters worse, she now is pregnant. She swears it has to be mine and I’ve made it very clear to her that we will have to get a paternity test if she decides to keep it. I have expressed nothing but complete support for her no matter what she decides. She would want to get married if she were to keep it. I am open to that idea if she is willing to sign a very extensive prenuptial. And she said that she was totally for that.
I have the gut feeling that nothing good can come from any of this but she continues to agree and re-assure me on every precaution that I can take. Right?
I figure I only have two ways to go?
I could just fuck it all and run. If she proves paternity then I will pay child support and likely have to take over custody if she doesn’t change her path. Looking out for number one? This seems to be the smarter less compassionate approach that will only leave me with MASSIVE regret if the worst happens.
Or keep the status quo? Using more of my heart than my brain. Stick with it until she decides. If she keeps it then I’ll cross that bridge. If she doesn’t then… I just don’t know.
Advice? ~Up The Creek~
Dear UTC: The Bitter Single Guy, as a non-therapist who writes exclusively for entertainment, usually stays away from letters like yours because frankly it’s messy territory. That said, the BSG can’t leave you hanging.
Dude, Option #3 is that you need a therapist and a lawyer.
Your girlfriend also needs a therapist and the BSG is surprised that whoever is managing this comeback program is supportive of your involvement together. You have blurred the lines between a romantic relationship and caretaker and recovery from that is problematic.
Because the BSG is neither a therapist nor a lawyer he’ll refrain from telling you that in your situation you should have avoided new involvements at all costs. Really UTC…a therapist and a lawyer. Now. ~BSG~