Love and Xanax
Dear Bitter Single Guy: I have been in my current relationship for 3 years and engaged for 1 of those. We have completely landed into old married couple’s syndrome: obligatory sex, little affection, and I am so nerve racked around her I got a script for Xanax, to be mellowed out to be around her for fear that I will piss her off.
She constantly nags over the dumbest things (towels not hung right and so on). More importantly she is often embarrassed by my actions and she thinks I am too blunt and offensive. I have always been a loud, goofy, fun loving guy who doesn’t really give a shit what anyone else thinks. I am living a double life, I am myself with my friends, with her I am the watered down dull version of me. I get so stressed about this I consider just driving off a bridge or walking into a black panther meeting in a Klan costume. I know the answer is going to be obvious on what to do, but I’d like to hear your thoughts on this. Am I being too stubborn because I want to be myself? Or should I continue to feel like a doormat p**-whipped guy and just work it out? ~Depressed and Despondent~
Dear DAD: The Bitter Single Guy actually thinks that you are being a big giant baby. Heck, didn’t Thoreau say that “the mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation”? Heck if a famous dead poet said it, it must be true, right?
Yup…suicidal ideation is part and parcel with being in love and committing yourself to someone else for the rest of your life. Clearly, your subconscious is promoting the idea that since you seem trapped by the ‘til death do us part commitment, then the only way out is death!
DAD, the BSG is pulling your leg here because frankly, you had him at Xanax. The day that you had to get medicated in order to handle day-to-day life around your fiancé was the day to pull the plug (the BSG is a fan of physicians who don’t hesitate to prescribe medication where it’s needed, but he also hopes that your doc had a little chat with you about this?). The tough thing is doing what you know (you knew this already) is the right thing to do. The BSG will tell you that there is no easy way to do it other than to do it. Frankly, the BSG recommends sharing the letter you wrote to him with your fiancé; it’s all pretty much in there.
Be prepared to feel like a jerk, to feel like you’ve ruined your fiancé’s life. But then be prepared to feel like you’re climbing up out of a dark well while you find that you can get through a day without psychotropic medication. ~BSG~
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