Dumper’s Remorse
Dear Bitter Single Guy: I have been having trouble let go of a break up that happened over six months ago. The relationship was not going to work and I knew that, thus I broke up with him. Lately, however, I have found myself wanting him back even though I know that it wouldn’t work. Any advice on how to let it go and how to find a happy (slightly bitter) view on single life? ~Trying To Move On~
Dear TTMO: The Bitter Single Guy expects letters like yours from Dumpees, but it’s rare to see this problem from a Dumper. This makes the BSG wonder why you think your former relationship would not have worked. On a philosophical aside, the BSG is interested in how we define success in a relationship. He thinks the definition of success typically includes marriage and offspring and wonders if there are other definitions of success. As a philosophical aside to this philosophical aside, the whole gay marriage controversy seems to be about allowing more folks to buy into this common definition of success, but that’s a thought for a different day…the BSG digresses.
TTMO, assuming that your relationship with Dumped Boy truly wouldn’t have worked, and assuming that it’s not a good idea to try it again, then the BSG usually recommends devoting a third of the length of a relationship to getting over it. So if you spent more than a year and a half together, 6 months is just about right.
It’s also appropriate to think about why you want Dumped Boy back. If you’re just tired of dating (which can be a totally soul-crushing exercise) and are wanting some comfy lovin’, pining for an old relationship makes total sense. But if you’re starting to think you were wrong to set Dumped Boy free, maybe you should go back to that definition of success. ~BSG~
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