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The BSG Sells Out (3)

September 1st, 2013 Posted in What The Hell?

So the BSG realizes that in the first two installments of his sell out, he has only teased you. If you haven’t caught up, take a few moments and read the two posts preceding this one.

If you’re caught up, you know that the BSG was sent a sample of a product from a company called Rounderwear. Specifically the BSG was send a pair of black boxer briefs that featured “gluteal shapers”, which is to say…”ass padding”. Yep, the BSG wore padded underwear.

But the BSG, if he goes, believes in going big. So not only did the BSG try on the padded underwear, he wore them in PUBLIC. And not only did the BSG wear them in public, he wore them ON STAGE. It’s true, the BSG was invited to to be the emcee for a literary event…a poetry reading actually. A raucous poetry reading, but poetry none the less. And there, in front of a room full of raucous poetry lovers, the BSG did in fact parade his padded ass.

There was applause. Although it’s tough to know if the applause was for the BSG’s actual ass, or for his moxie in appearing publicly in padded underwear. But enough pussyfooting around it. Here was the BSG’s experience:

  • The padded underwear requires pants tight enough to discern the overall ass-shape. The BSG owns few of these pants, so this was a challenge.
  • With tight-ish pants, the BSG was able to recognize (mostly when he sat down) that he did, in fact, have padding between his ass and the bench he was sitting on. Noticeable padding.
  • The BSG’s ass is already somewhat roundish, so he’s not sure of the before and after.
  • The BSG didn’t feel more confident, in fact, he felt a little self-conscious. But the BSG has to admit he’s never spent that much time wondering how his ass looked. Although based on the sheer physics of tight-ish pants and padded underwear, the BSG has to assume that those underwear made his ass look big.
  • The BSG had two accommodating friends (one male and one female, for research purposes) actually give his padded ass a squeeze before and after the Wearing of the Enhanced Underwear.
  • The BSG’s friends concluded that his ass was bigger with the padding, but also squishier than his unpadded ass.
  • This gave the BSG a good feeling and not just because he had talked his friends into feeling him up.
  • The padded underwear were hot. Not sexy hot (although the general public didn’t come flooding up to the BSG so he doesn’t really know). HOT hot. As in sweaty. As in, the BSG’s ass was sweaty during the Wearing of the Enhanced Underwear.

So that’s the basic experience with the padded underwear. The BSG’s ass was indeed a little rounder, but he’s not sure his already-ample ass needed the padding.

As a side note, the BSG found that when he tossed the padded underwear into the clothes washer, the foam padding came out in the wash and floated freely. Probably this is a good thing? Does it mean that bigger pads can be ordered?

The BSG doesn’t know if he’s going to wear the enhanced underwear again, but he hasn’t discarded them. They’re in the BSG’s regular underwear drawer and who knows…the BSG may get a wild hair in his underwear some day and don them again. So if you see an aging, ample-assed man on the street to whom you are inexplicably drawn…particularly to his ass…you should walk up and say hell0.


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