[patiently waits for the end of the dagger throwing]

And BSG is right, to an extent. What I was subtly trying to explain to my High School Sweetheart was I didn’t want to be with him any more. I wanted to explore my options. And while I did want to be single, that desire lasted all of two weeks. And I then met my first college crush and dreamt of the day he would pine for me as well. Which never happened. I did become quiet close to my second crush (in a friendly matter), even getting to kiss him years after our first meeting…. but that was at a football game after a fishbowl and a tale for another time (or warning… don’t drink fish bowls… even when you are a crazy college student).

I’m not telling you this to be hurtful BH. I’m telling you this in hopes that the BSGs advice will ring a bit truer. I fear you are sitting back in your chair, and after the elated feeling that yes, the BSG has answered your call, the denial you must think. “That can’t be true, I know her so well! She would never!”

But she would. As I did. As my cousins girlfriend did. (He swore they would be together forever and make their long distance love work. It did not).

Here’s the deal. We leave for college, boys and girls, holding onto our HSS, hoping that “love” will last forever. Then we start to grow and learn. College is a milestone in more ways than education. Then we go out with friends and watch as our single friends meet new people. We can’t do that out of guilt and obligation. Then we watch our single friends meet new guys, and we want in. Its harsh. But its true. We don’t have our loved ones next to us to join in, which makes us lonely. And (just so you dont think it MIGHT be the distance), we mature and walk down our own path of discovery and many times, paths which are once shared reach a fork.

Im sorry, BH, but your lovely lady chose a different path.

There is good news though. I promise. My ex has moved on and is content leading his own life. My cousin lives a very fulfilling life with a breaming social calendar and has happily dated more than one spring chicken. And you will too.

Take this time to go out. Stop smelling her. Really. Not healthy. And I can PROMISE you, she will not be wooed by the feelings you are describing, she might be frightened by them (as I was when my own HSS decided perhaps following me to my school would help his cause. The result with that was giving me such a freight that we stopped talking for years – girls don’t like stalkers).  Go out. Meet new friends. Meet new girls. Have a coveted college one night stand. Join a club. A sport. Whatever. But go have fun.

BH… you are so young. So, so young. Enjoy it. College will be over sooner than you think, but there will always be more girls to pine after.

 This might make for a too long of a comment, but I have had this story in my documents file for a long time, I get it out and read it each time my heart is broken. I dont know the author, but kudos to ‘em…

The Perfect Heart:

One day a young man was standing in the middle of the town proclaiming that he had the most beautiful heart in the whole valley. A large crowd gathered and they all admired his heart, for it was perfect. There was not a mark or a flaw in it. Yes, they all agreed it truly was the most beautiful heart they had ever seen. The young man was very proud and boasted more loudly about his beautiful heart.
Suddenly, an old man appeared at the front of the crowd and said, “Why, your heart is not nearly as beautiful as mine.”

The crowd and the young man looked at the old man’s heart. It was beating strongly, but was full of scars, and it had places where pieces had been removed and other pieces put in, but the pieces didn’t fit quite right and there were several jagged edges. In fact, in some places there were deep gouges where whole pieces were missing. The people stared. How can he say his heart is more beautiful, they thought?

The young man looked at the old man’s heart and saw its state and laughed. “You must be joking,” he said. “Compare your heart with mine – mine is perfect,and yours is a mess of scars and tears.”

“Yes, said the old man, “Yours is perfect looking, but I would never trade with you. You see, every scar in my heart represents a person to whom I have given my love. I tear out a piece of my heart and give it to them, and often they give me a piece of their heart which fits into the empty place in my heart, but because the pieces aren’t exact, I have some rough edges, which I cherish, because they remind me of the love we shared. Sometimes I have given pieces of my heart away, and the other person hasn’t returned a piece of his heart to me. These are the empty gouges…giving love is taking a chance. Although these gouges are painful, they stay open, reminding me of the love I have for these people too, and I hope someday they may return and fill the space I have waiting. So now do you see what true beauty is?”

The young man stood silently with tears running down his cheeks. He walked up to the old man, reached into his perfect young and beautiful heart and ripped a piece out. He offered it to the old man with trembling hands. The old man took his offering, placed it in his heart and then took a piece from his old scarred heart and placed it in the wound in the young man’s heart. It fit, but not perfectly, as there were some jagged edges. The young man looked at his heart, not perfect anymore but more beautiful than ever, since love from the old man’s heart flowed into his. They embraced and walked away side by side. How sad it must be to go through life with a whole heart.