Totally Disgusted with Dating
Dear Bitter Single Guy: I have an absent dating life. I am 32 years old, have a graduate degree and work in healthcare, own a modest home in a working class neighborhood, pursue several interests, I travel often…and I cannot find a date. I have tried match, chemistry, and going out in the city without any form of success.
I may get a first date every other month or so and a second every six months. It stops there. The continual rejection is never given with an actual reason. I’ve read several books on dating, etc., without any change in success.
I am worn out from all the bullshit. Other people are able to perform this basic social function without resorting to pathetic measures as dating sites, advice columns. It is a couples world and in my sad little city, everyone is already married. There are so few single women; I do not know any, my married friends claim not to, and despite working in healthcare, I cannot find any that are interested in me.
Dear TDD: The Bitter Single Guy can feel your bitterness even from his faraway office in Bitter Single Tower. The first thing the BSG wants to do is acknowledge that you’re right to be frustrated and disgusted. However, the BSG also wants to point out that appearing frustrated and disgusted to potential dates is a sure-fire way not to get a date (or certainly not a second date) so you’re in a vicious cycle, TDD.
But the BSG is going to congratulate you on checking in with him…despite the feeling that it’s pathetic to resort to an advice column, the gist of the BSG’s advice is going to be that you need someone in your corner on this one and it’s not likely to be a book. Based on what you are telling the BSG he has to assume that there is no outward reason for women not to leap at the chance to date you, so then there has to be an inward reason.
If the problem is connection, the BSG wonders if you have good friends with whom you connect closely? In the BSG’s experience friend connections and romantic connections have a good bit in common. So assuming you’ve got some good friend connections, the BSG will tell you want will seem obvious. We, as humans, are interested in people who are…well…interesting. You say you’re in healthcare, but what about hobbies? Snowboarding, basketweaving, mountain climbing, orchid growing…these are all hobbies about which you can be passionate and your passion for something will make you attractive both as a friend to other orchid-o-philes, as well as a potential date.
In the absence of all that, the BSG wants you to find a therapist, good friend, minister, or someone similar who you trust. With this trustworthy citizen you’re going to start talking about what’s keeping you from making a meaningful connection. With luck and some effort on your part (this is not a silver bullet, TDD…this will be work) you’ll figure out what about you is keeping women from connecting.
Overall the BSG recommends treating this not as a magic cure, but as a journey…and the BSG is glad you took the first step with him.
Loading ...
Says:
June 14th, 2012 at 2:35 pm
Dating sites and advice columns are hardly pathetic; they’re useful inventions for our modern world. Plus, the BSG’s column is awesome!
Says:
June 14th, 2012 at 4:34 pm
awww…thanks Zack.
~BSG~
Says:
July 16th, 2012 at 12:53 am
I am bitter and upset with dating also.I am 59 year old widowed 3 years and tried all the dating sites with no luck.
the guys on them want sex and nothing more.I never thought that in that age group over 55 they act like horny teeanagers.
I am not a prude but I need and miss a companion.go to the beach,the park,the movies.
I have found the dating sites ALL of them from match..eharmony..pof..okcupid..etc etc
so if your looking for romance you won’t find it there.
Says:
September 27th, 2012 at 9:12 pm
I am 25 and in the same boat, actually have been there for quite a while. I am an indigo – trust me if you are one you’ll know I am not bullshitting you. I am very mature spiritually and emotionally, and most my best friends are much older, as in 40-50s; married couples and children. Those are people I am usually happy to be around. I value my solitude above all. And I am perfectly happy on my own. Most of the time I feel that people are generally stupid – no offense to anyone in particular. I have a very developed emotional intelligence if you may call it that, perceptiveness, empathy, etc. Though I know that we are all divine beings and that we all are perfect. we become happy as soon as we each realize that simple universal truth. I just don’t believe in any healthy relationships with anyone but myself.
So what I am saying, my friend, is you are definitely not alone. The question is do you really want a relationship or are you simply looking for it because all people in your town are married? because that right there is one of the wrong reasons to be looking for a partner.
There is nothing wrong with you, and the earth age, or whatever the concept, is not important. To em it is the soul age that matters in being compatible with someone. In fact you sound like a guy I personally would be interested in meeting. yet again, you never know until you meet someone in person.
I know for sure I personally would consider marrying someone who is my best friend, so the BSG is right – you have to make friends first. Sex alone and dating whatsoever in general will not do it for me. Though I have done it. Did not feel right at all. It is boring and useless. I want that meaningful connection, and trust em when it comes to you to you you’ll know because you will. Everything in your life will make sense.
All the best to you.