The Bitter Single Guy’s Relationship Advice

When Friends with Benefits Goes Bad

Dear Bitter Single Guy:  I am a twenty year old college student. I have been friends with a guy for 6 years and for two of those years we have been off and on friends with benefits. We have seen other people but not seriously. For the past year I have been trying to end it, because I feel like he doesn’t care for me like he should and I feel used. I tried to avoid him but he is roommates with one of my best guy friends and I tried to cut it off, but for some reason I keep going back to him. I love being friends with him but I don’t know how to be friend and not be romantic with him? ~Complicated and Confused~

Dear CAC: The Bitter Single Guy often hears from his readers when they realize that “friends with benefits” isn’t as carefree as it sounds. Eventually feelings end up getting wrapped up with the benefits and then it can get ugly.

Here’s the gist, CAC: think you’re being used? Correct…you are being used (just as you are using him). And truly, why would Benefits Guy treat you any better when he’s getting what he wants without treating you better? There is a point here about buying cows and getting milk, but the BSG doesn’t want to imply that you are in any way cow-esque CAC.

This is a rip-the-bandage-off-quickly answer. It will be painful, but you need to have an honest conversation with him where you actually tell him that you are done. Then you need to be done. Ask Benefits Guy’s roommate to meet you out if you want to hang out with him. It will always be easy to go back to your old pattern because it’s comfortable, you know it, and it’s probably a little fun. (Distance will make it seem more so) But you have to do it if you’re going to start to feel better about yourself. Good luck. ~BSG~