When Lust Fades
Dear Bitter Single Guy: Recently I asked my boyfriend of almost 3 years if he still ‘lusted’ after me; his reply was ‘not as much anymore but I still do.’ I am completely heart broken from his response and can’t stop thinking about it. How should I really be taking this and is it even worth fretting over? ~Heading for Spinsterhood~
Dear HFS: The Bitter Single Guy is shaking his finger at you: *tsk, tsk, tsk*. A question like “Do you still lust after me?” is a leading question, HFS. You were obviously looking to trap him into telling you the truth (which he did), or you were fishing for a compliment. In either case you set your Baffled Beau up for a no-win situation.
Here’s the thing, HFS. Lust is a tough feeling to maintain for years and years. Usually it cools a little to (hopefully) plain old desire, but the BSG doesn’t want you to knock desire! It may not have the gut-wrenching, job-endangering, friend-losing energy that lust does, but it’ll carry you for more years than lust will.
The BSG would, if your Baffled Beau had written to him, counsel him to have a smoother answer to your leading question than “not as much anymore, but I still do.” That clearly didn’t do him any favors, but no amount of smooth delivery would have saved you from hearing the truth. What you have now is the choice that every person in a long term relationship has:
1. Dump Baffled Beau because you’re not going to be happy without the butterflies and obsessive lust of a new relationship.
2. Learn to live like an adult and find new ways to keep monogamy interesting and exciting if not lustful.
The BSG bets you know which one he recommends. ~BSG~
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